New Normals
By: Jason Hsieh, Associate Pastor of Counseling and Discipleship
Most of us aren’t good at juggling tennis balls or bowling pins. Now imagine trying to juggle while either walking or jumping backward… and wearing high heels.
This perhaps illustrates what it’s like trying to live a “new normal,” where life is drastically different than what we’ve been accustomed to and won’t change for some time or never will change. Our heart and mind are still in the life we just left, yet our present beckons. This new normal could be life after a loved one dies, bad news about our health, or prolonged unemployment. It could be a new city or a new lead pastor at church. Some of these circumstances are planned and others come without notice, but all result in a new normal.
Sometimes “new” can be desired and exciting, but other times it’s not. Most of us want to live out James 1:2 and persevere through trials, but day-to-day living can instead be a roller coaster of pining for the past, trying to live in an unfamiliar present, and looking towards eternity.
Why is adapting to change so hard? How do we walk through these canyons of life?
Why Transitions Can Be So Hard
A new normal poses various challenges, including but not limited to:
Theological questions – Questions can abound when trying to reconcile what we believe with our experience. If God is good, why did my spouse or child die? Am I not a good Christian if I don’t rejoice always? Am I being punished for something I did?
Emotional strain – We are made to know and be known. When close relationships end and new ones aren’t as deep, it hurts. Work and functional independence give us some sense of value, dignity, and self-respect, and when those are taken away, we might feel worthless or question our purpose. Whether what we have lost is in regard to relationships, work, routines, or health, we simply do not feel like ourselves anymore.
Practicalities – New is scary, and if we’re not careful, we make unfair comparisons between the known past and the unfamiliar present. So how do we move forward while honoring what we’ve lost? Who can we talk to, especially when what we lost is so much a part of how we think and live?
Ultimately, a new normal dramatically alters foundations of our life. So, what can we do?
A Simple but Powerful Approach
Amidst all the questions, emotions, and feeling out of sorts, there is something that can provide us with the space needed to process our questions and emotions yet provide wisdom for practicalities. It lies in approaching our new normal as a matter of stewardship—not in just a financial sense, but stewardship on a broader level. When all is said and done God will ask, “What did you do with the people, talents, places, resources, and yes, hardships, I placed before you? How have you reflected my character and loved others through all this?” (Matt. 25:14-30; 2 Cor. 1:3-5).
Approaching a difficult new normal as a matter of stewardship helps us to be deliberate, careful, and realistic. More specifically, by viewing our new normal as a matter of stewardship, we can enlist into our trial:
Direction, structure, and guard rails – Our mind goes places in a new normal, and we do need space to process and mourn. But we don’t get to think, feel, or do whatever we want. All of life is lived before God (Ps. 139).
At what point does all this processing become unhelpful to ourselves and others? Time will give us more clarity on that question and answers will vary with each person. But for now, some potential ways we can steward our thoughts, emotions, and actions in a world of unforeseen circumstances are to:
Think biblically and accurately about the past and the present.
Cultivate gratitude for past and present good gifts, rather than demand them or harbor resentment for the new.
Think and speak about what is helpful for building others up in the faith—there can be a way to talk about loss which offers a portrait of godly grief mixed with hope and faith (no matter how small).
Grace, nuance, and patience – Viewing a new normal as a matter of stewardship pushes us towards spiritual aspirations of growth in godliness while also being realistic about what life will be like. Whether for ourselves or as we help others, stewardship offers a lens to work through the nuance and gradual nature of trying to live out black and white truth, because:
Transitions take time. We will slip up and idolize the past. We will make unfair comparisons and place our identity and security in something that was never meant to bear that weight (Ps. 103:15-18). That doesn’t mean we’re not trying to pursue godliness.
Sanctification is a matter of degrees. Where we derive our worth and security is rarely an all-or-nothing proposition. Yes, it needs to be foundationally based on the person and work of Christ, but we still find value and comfort in our relationships, work, and routines. So it’s about gradually holding more and more tightly to identity in Christ and less and less tightly to God’s good gifts of relationships, health, money, and routines.
Christ and the New Normal
I’ll close with a final thought. How foreign, how uncomfortable, and how disorienting it must have been for the Son of God to become man, to bear the weight of our sin, and subsequently face His father’s rejection on our behalf (Is. 53:1-12; Phil. 2:5-8)!
Yet, Jesus Christ willingly experienced a new normal for over 30 years.
And therein lies the rationale, example, and hope for walking through a difficult new normal. The story of the gospel is the story of a new normal—a relationship with God through the work of Christ. A relationship that came at a heavy price.
And so can be with a new normal. Out of the ashes can arise beauty. Out of the groaning comes the payoff of being a display of God’s splendor (Isa. 61:3). Out of the longing for the comforts of the past comes the chance to testify to a watching world that Jesus is our Lord and that His love is better than life (Rom. 12:1; Ps. 63:3). Not just through our words, but through our mourning, our hoping, and yes, even our new normal.
Questions for Reflection
How has God worked through hard life transitions in the past? How might that encourage you right now?
You can’t walk this road alone. If you don’t have deep relationships with people at church, what can you do to cultivate such relationships? Or how can you help facilitate relationships for those who don’t have them?
This article was originally published by the Biblical Counseling Coalition on April 8, 2019 and is reposted here with their permission.
