Good Gossip
by Chap Bettis
As members of a church living out our covenant with each other, unity is our goal and conflict is inevitable. How do we know when to overlook a matter with a member or go to the elders? What is a member’s responsibility in peacemaking?
Often, we don’t want to gossip about the situation. So, we are just silent and the issue starts to fester within. Perhaps we just hope the pastors will take care of things. Or we are anxious and then do talk to people we shouldn’t.
What is the solution? I think it is understanding the difference between “good” gossip and “bad” gossip.
Good Gossip
I use the phrase “good” gossip loosely. Good gossip is the passing on of information to a spiritual authority who is in the position to help the hurting party or advise the helper. The church needs “good gossip.” This passing on of information is not a violation of Matthew 18 and following. In fact, the early Christians who went to Paul and passed on the information about the sin in the Corinthian church did exactly this. This was an issue too big for them to handle. It was splitting the church. So they told their father in the faith, Paul. His spiritual authority would help resolve this issue (see 1 Corinthians 5).
Good gossip is not an excuse for a busybody to lay a responsibility at the feet of a pastor or church leader. This is not an affirmation of the person who is constantly finding problems for the pastors to fix. No, the body of Christ is meant to minister to itself. There are different areas of authority in a church that are delegated to different church members. As they lead the different ministries, different levels of issues will come up. And a leader will use discernment. Some issues should be overlooked. Some handled by the leader. But other, bigger issues, should be bumped up the chain of command.
For example, a worship team leader has a musician who is regularly critical of the song choices. He will choose to overlook this or confront the church member. He will not necessarily tell the elders. But if the comments threaten to disrupt the unity of the church, then certainly a pastor or elder would be notified. This would be a proper example of “good” gossip.
Or one member is meeting with another member to counsel and help her. In the course of their conversation, information comes out that is beyond the expertise of the helper. Rightly, she calls a pastor for advice on how to handle the issue. This is another example of “good” gossip.
Bad Gossip
That brings us to bad gossip. Bad gossip occurs when someone who is neither part of the problem or the solution engages in conversation discussing information, usually negative, about a person. Bad gossip can kill a congregation. And we need to train our church to refrain from and stop bad gossip.
How can it be stopped? If we sense that the person talking with us is not part of the solution but is merely spreading information, we should stop him or her immediately. A quick response helps clarify the conversation. “Have you talked with him about this? You are bringing this up to me. Are you doing it because you think I should do something about it?”
The Peacemaker
This brings us to the role of the peacemaker. Jesus tells us that all three parties in a dispute have a responsibility to talk with each other: (a) the offended should go (Matt 18:15), (b) the possible offender should go (Matt 5:23-24), (c) and the third party observer should go (Matt 5:8). Jesus commanded the third party to go when he said, “Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called the sons of God.” So in the previous example of the busybody who reports to a pastor, we can simply reply, “If God put you in the position to hear the complaint, then according to Matt 5:8, you are the one to go help her work out the problem.”
Or it may be that after we have heard a complaint or of a broken relationship, we go back to the person. We say something like, “The other night you really seemed like you were upset at Pastor John. Were you just venting? Or do you need to sit down with him? I think you may need to go talk with him.” Peacemakers are needed to close loose ends in the church. They are like white blood cells helping swallow up disease in Christ’s body.
Conclusion
As we follow Jesus together, we will encounter regular bumps in our journey together. These situations are opportunities for the church to help each other. But we need to know the difference between “good” gossip and “bad” gossip. One builds up the church. The other tears it down. Let us spur each other onto good works by being peacemakers.
