Loving Elders Well

By Wayne Boyer

A recent in article in World Magazine caught my interest and left me with a sense of sadness and gave me cause for self-examination. The title explains the subject matter: “2020’s church divide – A pandemic and national controversies have splintered churches and taken a toll on pastors struggling to hold them together.” The article describes 2020 as “a brutal, perfect storm of a pandemic, a contentious election, racial unrest, financial troubles, and rampant conspiracy theories.” The author then expounds the thesis of the article, “a particularly treacherous time for church leaders to navigate.” She goes on to describe various “pressure points” for pastors: sleepless nights, exhaustion, uncertainty, hurt, and being disheartened. These emotions evoked by, no conversation disconnected from conflict; members leaving over disagreements; and pastors feeling as if they have been twisted into pretzels because no matter what they decide, someone is mad.

Pastors are wearing themselves out trying to manage other people’s emotions, said Sean Nemecek, a third-generation pastor who counsels other pastors and blogs at The Pastor’s Soul. “That constant criticism just beats you down overtime,” he said. “In every little thing, you’re being attacked and judged. A lot of pastors are just afraid of being hit one more time.” Nemecek said he’s seen a “dramatic increase” in pastors seeking counseling this year, many who say they’re burned out, especially as they watch engagement drop, not knowing which congregants are gone for good.

After reading the article, I had to ask myself, “Is this true of my elders and my church family?” I was convicted and reached out to two of my elders. But in my conviction I became more concerned with my actions and asked myself a few questions: “Do my actions make my elder’s life difficult? Do I love them well? Do I understand, or even care, when I make their job difficult?”

The Lord immediately brought to mind the passage in Hebrews, “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with grief, for this would be unprofitable to you” (Hebrews 13:17).

Obey your leaders and submit to them

Words like “obey” and “submit” are instinctively difficult for most of us because in our flesh we want to be our own managers, so to speak. Actually, without the grace of God, we want to be our own gods! We do not want others telling us what to do because we prefer to rule our own lives. There’s a certain level of humility that must take place in our life to obey this command, therefore pride must be rooted out. Peter says, “Younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another” (1 Peter 5:5). If we find ourselves struggling with obedience and submission, we may want to take a closer look out our heart in the matter.

For they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account

Why do we obey and submit? Because elders keep watch over our souls, they serve the church on behalf of Christ and therefore, are accountable to God for their watch care over us. Paul instructs the Ephesian elders to “be on guard for yourselves and for all the flock, among which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to shepherd the church of God which He purchased with His own blood” (Acts 20:28). Elders are accountable as shepherds because the church of God cost Christ dearly. It may be hard for us to imagine this responsibility of theirs, but it may be help to think about the responsibility of a parent to safeguard their child, or to imagine the guilt a parent may experience as a result of actually seeing their child die in a tragic accident, wondering if there was anything more they could have done to protect that child. Our elders have been given the responsibility for our spiritual safety. Paul exhorts Timothy to “pay close attention to yourself and to your teaching; persevere in these things, for as you do this you will ensure salvation both for yourself and for those who hear you” (1 Timothy 4:16). Although we recognize their limitations and imperfections, in their obedient service to our Lord Christ Jesus, our elders are not asking us to act in ways that are incongruent with Scripture. They give us biblical reasoning (or should be) in their guidance and instruction over us. We trust them to help us think and walk biblically and therefore, honor God with our lives.

Let them do this with joy and not with grief

This phrase is a reflection on those who are to obey and submit – you and me. The reality here is that we can not only be sources of joy, but sources of grief to our elders. The aforementioned article brings that idea out and I hope it would cause us heartbreak should we fall into that sin and bring us to a place of repentance. But first we have to ask the question “Am I a source of grief?” But what kinds of actions cause us to be a source of grief to our elders? We don’t have to look any farther than the early church – are we the cause of division or friction in the church? Do we love our brothers and sisters well, as image bearers of God? Are we participating in the fellowship of believers, displaying a unity in the Spirit? Are we persevering in the faith for the goal set before us? Are we walking in a humble manner, as Christ? Are we praying for our elders and honoring their instruction? If we are a source of grief, be warned, our actions will be unprofitable to us.

For this would be unprofitable to you

Why unprofitable? Two reasons: 1) we do not get the spiritual benefit of their instruction, and 2) we find ourselves in disobedience to God’s instruction. We need biblical instruction and God has given the church elders as a gift in the sanctification process. Without instruction we remain “fleshly” as stated by Paul. He says, “I brethren, could not speak to you as to spiritual men, but as to infants in Christ. I gave you milk to drink, not solid food; for you were not yet able to receive it. Indeed, even now you are not yet able, for you are still fleshly” (1 Corinthians 3:2-3a). The writer of Hebrews expounds further, “For everyone who partakes only of milk is not accustomed to the word of righteousness, for he is an infant. But the solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil” (Hebrews 5:13-14). Peter says we “long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation” (1 Peter 2:2). So when we heed the instruction of our elders, we need to realize a desire to grow in respect of our salvation.

If we are not willing to obey and submit to our elders, then we need to understand we are in contradiction to God’s word and therefore disobedient to God. James says, “To one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin” (James 4:17). We don’t want to find ourselves in the company of the ungodly, who “although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them” (Romans 2:32). We want our hearts softened to a point of repentance. We want to be as obedient children, like the Holy One who called us, “to be holy yourselves also in all your behavior; because it is written, ‘You shall be holy, for I am holy’” (1 Peter 1:15-16).

Context

So you may be asking yourself, what does this have to do with pandemics, or contentious elections, or racial unrest, or financial troubles, or rampant conspiracy theories, or anything else for that matter? We must understand this all takes place in the context of God’s world and as God’s creation. While we may look at many events as “political” we would be better served to observe them as a myriad of events among a sinful mankind under the sovereign control of God. For the believer, everything should be viewed from the perspective of a Christian worldview. This is one reason it is so important to be under the care of the church and the instruction of the elders. The elders take the Word of God and apply it to all of life. They (and we) understand that “His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence” (1 Peter 1:3).

So let’s be cautious in how we assess elder instruction; let’s remember they have a desire to guide us in spiritual truth. In my experience, their instruction has been preceded by clear biblical instruction, principles, and application. Should we ever find ourselves in disagreement with their instruction that should initially be addressed in private (i.e. not public display). As for me, I need to be reminded of the public oath I took this morning in my own church:

Q1: Do you, the members of Grace Harbor Church, acknowledge and publicly receive this man as an elder, as a gift of Christ to this church? I do.

Q2: Will you love him and pray for him in his ministry, and work together with him humbly and cheerfully, that by the grace of God you may accomplish the mission of the church, giving him all due honor and support in his leadership to which the Lord has called him, to the glory and honor of God? I do.

May God be glorified in His church.